AP – A local man accidentally discovered today that the remains of the Shire are located in modern East Livermore. “I was investigating a strange-looking tree,” said a shaken Matt R. “Then it just ate me!”

When asked about the experience, Old Man Willow replied, “He was all skin and bones on the top and bottom, and all fat around the middle. But, these days, you take what you can get.”

Matt R. was saved by the timely appearance of the Wicked Good Band, which sang Old Man Willow to sleep with an a cappella rendition of
“When It’s Mud Season in Phillips.”