Mer’s Honors English classes, which are made up of juniors, just got done reading Coleridge’s Rime of the Ancient Mariner. After many of the works they read, Mer assigns a project to reinforce the major ideas of the story. For this work, she assigned The Rap of the Modern Mariner – where the students had to tell the original poem’s story in rap form.

Mer’s fourth period class threw down the gauntlet. They told her they would do the assignment with no complaining if she came up with a rap herself. She agreed. Since the students could collaborate if they wished, Mer brought me in on the project to help. Mer came up with the concept – she wanted to take Weird Al’s “White and Nerdy” and make it become “White White Birdy.” She also explained the major events of Rime. With this information, I wrote out Rap of the Modern Mariner. Mer then tweaked the language for rhythm. We divvied up the song – Mer would do the chorus (including the opening and ending), and I would rap the verses. We performed the rap to much amusement to two of her classes. It was much fun. Turns out rapping is quite hard – it is hard to keep the fast pace up, and breathing becomes a problem. Still, it was a good assignment. Here, for your musing, is the text to our opus:

I see you goin’ to the wedding
I just gotta tell ya all
about the birdy

Gotta tell you about the birdy
Gotta tell you about the birdy
Stop and hear about the birdy
Look – I killed the birdy

You wanna get to the party
But you can see in my eye all
about the birdy

Gotta tell you about the birdy
Gotta tell you about the birdy
Hear all about the birdy
Look – I killed the birdy

On board ship I can perform
On deck or pilot’s platform
I’m the best – that’s the norm
Oh snap! Here comes a storm
That big storm sure weren’t nice
The ship we couldn’t entice
Southward the prow did slice
‘Till we were surrounded by ice

On the sea we did toss
We thought all was to be loss
No soul did we come across
Until we saw an albatross
Just then the ice gave way
North we went into the gray
The bird perched there all of nine day
I killed the bird, I must say

My shipmates felt I did betray
But the fog went without delay
Twas right such birds to slay
But what a price we had to pay
There was nothing on board to drink
The sea itself, it began to stink
No one could speak or even think
Gave me evil looks without a blink

They put the bird on a big chain
Yeah, all around my neck they put the white, white birdy

Gotta tell you about the birdy
Gotta tell you about the birdy
Really big and heavy birdy
I’m stuck wearin’ the birdy

I’d like back in with my shipmates
But they all hatin’ me because I shot the birdy

Gotta tell you about the birdy
Gotta tell you about the birdy
It’s a big white birdy
I’m stuck wearin’ the birdy

‘Gainst the wind here comes a ship
Makes no sense, gotta get a grip
On my arm I took a sip
So that I could use my lip
Life-in-Death, she does roll
Playin’ with Death for ev’ry soul
She wins me, the others go
With a cursed look, they all blow

Now, my friend, you look scared
But you gotta find out how I fared
Lookin’ at the slimy sea I dared
To think it was beauty impaired
But I was hasty in how I spake
‘Cause later on I saw a snake
It left beauty in its wake
Now my curse is on the make

The birdy fell from my neck
And it rained on the deck
And I felt the water, not hotter
But cool as all heck
Then some angels came and they took the guys
And they made them all up to rise
And the wind filled the sail
I got home without no fail

And now the curse, it was lifted
And down from my neck
There fell the white white birdy
From my neck there fell the birdy
Gotta tell you about the birdy
Gotta tell you about the birdy
Went away, the white white birdy

I gotta tell folk ’bout God’s love
So they know not to go killin’ white white birdies

Don’t go shootin’ white white birdies
Don’t go shootin’ white white birdies
No weddin’ today
Mullin’ ’bout white birdies

Bird!